The Crow Knows

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I’m feeling compelled to write a post about crows…as something rather strange just happened.

I’ve noticed crow coming up in my experience a lot lately.   Just earlier today I was talking with a friend about this crow painting I recently finished, pictured on the left.   Soon after that, I was finishing up the poem below and when I got to the line “synchronicities” a crow cawed loudly five or six times right outside my window,  startling me from my writing reverie.

Point made universe.  I’m paying attention.    I decided to take a closer look at what crow represents.

Crow is an often misaligned animal.  Associated with darkness and fear by many people, I too have had mixed feelings of fascination and apprehension with this ebony avian in the past.  While crow can be intimidating,  I do believe this bird is beautiful and a great helper and teacher.  Crow is able to cross both sides of the veil, he can teach us how to work with our darkness instead of against it.  Crow is associated with many things, life and death, change, and the void; just to name a few.  Here’s a great article on the spiritual side of crow.

That said, I’d like to make a formal apology to crow nation right now; in a previous post, I shared a song I wrote a while back, where I compared big business and banks to crows… it’s insulting to the bird to compare them with big business and the mess that we have made for ourselves.  I don’t believe the crow stands for that kind of…”darkness” I’m sorry crow.  😦

Now that I’ve gotten to know you better I see things more clearly.  The void where you reside holds all color and all possibility.   When you look closely at a crow feather you can see there are lots of blues and greens and hues to be seen.  Change is not to be feared.

Below is the poem I mentioned above, everything written here is true and these events actually happened to me, blows my mind that I’m writing about all these life and death situations, and I’m writing about faith, and suddenly all this business with the crow comes up.

Universe, you are weird and wonderful, I love you and I am full of gratitude.  We’re gonna call this one, “The Crow Knows”

I’m lucky to be alive and it’s a miracle I’ve survived.

Just short of two years old,
Falling down two stories off the ground.
On to the concrete below.
The blow
Fractures on my head.
But I’m not dead.
The CT from what they could see,
showed no signs of brain injury.

I’m lucky to be alive and it’s a miracle I’ve survived.
I’ve found there’s grace in the worst situations…
There are blessings in our tribulations.

Next brush with mortality came to me when I was 4 or 5
A fascination with a mud-wasp hive.
I kept poking, even after mom’s warning
shouldn’t have been surprised to see a sinister swarm of wasps chasing me.

Mom scooped up me under her arm,
and carried me away from harm,
For hours, we listened to eerie sound
of the wasps all around,
crashing into the walls of our sanctuary
Grandpa’s old RV.

We could see wasps still clinging to the shirt my mom had to fling
I didn’t get a single sting.

I’m lucky to be alive and it’s a miracle I’ve survived.
I’ve found there’s grace in the worst situations…
There are blessings in your tribulations.

5th Grade New school. I’m laying face down on the playground.
Bell’s ringing, no one’s around.
I didn’t like that snapping sound I heard when
the bullies pushed me to the ground.
I guess I had it coming I chased them with a stick.
Though I’m pretty sure they were also being dicks.

Bright side of the story, one girl who said sorry, became like family.

I got my brace off just in time for summer,
wouldn’t you know it was really a bummer
when suddenly I fell out of a tree
And again my bones snapped under me.
Sometime’s life’s just bitchy,
but I’m sure it’s strengthened me.

I’m lucky to be alive and it’s a miracle I’ve survived.
I’ve found there’s grace in the worst situations…
There are blessings in your tribulations.

Fast forward to 15 on the bus home my head’s feeling mean.
my brain exploding with pain.
two taps to my spine
I’m losing my mind
in the hospital with meningitis
I don’t know how i got this
Trying to fill out this living will while the Vicodin is making me ill.
terrified inside cuz last week, a class-mate died!
That could have been me.
Why did it happen to him?
They didn’t catch it in time
and the misdiagnoses was a crime.
That probably saved my life.
When my parents helped me through the door,
they knew what to look for.

I’m lucky to be alive and it’s a miracle I’ve survived.
I’ve found there’s grace in the worst situations…
There are blessings in our tribulations.

10 years later give or take,
My medical doctor made a mistake.
Told me not to whine
the cyst on my ovary would be just fine,
He said, wait and see, let it be.

Some time passed and suddenly
I was puking from the pain in the ER lobby.
Emergency Surgery where they found I flipped my ovary and it died inside of me.

I’m lucky to be alive and it’s a miracle I’ve survived.
I’ve found there’s grace in the worst situations…
There are blessings in our tribulations.

Why god do you see it fit to test me?
I believe
I believe
That there must be some light in spite of all this darkness
I believe
I believe
That my pain hasn’t been worthless.

I accept
I accept
the role I played in the story of my life.
the times when I created my strife.

I love
I love
I won’t blame them
I won’t be a victim.

I listen
I listen
To the wisdom you provide,
The subtle signs and synchronicities,
The crow of the caw who seriously just crowed at me as I finished writing the word “synchronicities”.

Mind Blown.
Universe You Own.

I won’t hide in my fear,
Even when my path is dark and unclear.
I won’t get bitter,
I’ll get better.
I’ll count my blessings,
And be grateful for the lessons.

Gratitude.

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